dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
