I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
