but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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