my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the day after is always just damage control
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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