New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
