so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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