If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize