I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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