thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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