Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize