Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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