batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
