I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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