He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
