it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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