I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
