So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
