You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They took my balls.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
