Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
