I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
