he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
