So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
