I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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