guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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