Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
