Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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