you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
