We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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