Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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