If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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