There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
