Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
