A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
