i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
