And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
