can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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