You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I am morally bankrupt
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
