ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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