her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
