shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
