CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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