you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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