i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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