Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
