so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
