I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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