More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
