I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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