Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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