he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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