There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's the barista slut.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize