Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he puts the penis in happiness.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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