HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
