She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How does it feel to date your dad?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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