I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
