im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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