You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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