Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap

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(804): View more from Virginia

the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight

(1-804): View more from Virginia

i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed

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(914): View more from New York

she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.

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(949): View more from California

Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that

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(219): View more from Indiana

Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.

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(360): View more from Washington

Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood

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