I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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