who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
