He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
