Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
