Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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