i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
