Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
