id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
