I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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