did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
