Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
