You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
