his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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