I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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