please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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